Living with my ghosts...

Life's incessant ramble. Back to the beginning

2011-05-15T23:39:00.001+05:30

Whenever I get nervous and my heart starts weighing me down - I think about what really is happenning ..why am I in this state ? The trigger and the consequent reactions have always made me laugh.
The beginning and the end are not the same and its funny how we manage to get it to a point of no return.

I was pissed this morning when I got up - I cleaned up - went to a mall and shopped - The result is a big hole in my pocket. I took down my tea and I thought about it . I woke up with this annoying headache - why ? A hangover from last night - Why - cos I partied real hard - why cos I was pissed yesterday during the noon - why - cos we lost something huge at work that I had worked really hard for - More so cos we thought we hadnt lost it and had partied harder on Friday night .

So basically because of some insignificant loss which does not affect my life today , I partied and got pissed and burnt a hole in my pocket. Funny isnt it ?

Life's incessant ramble.

Ah- the good life

2011-01-31T13:09:00.000+05:30

Shopping, someone bringing me chocolates at work cos they just bought a house/had a kid/got married, the phone when hesh calls me , my ‘brilliance’ playlist filling the car on my way back ,singing along with every song on the playlist, a good drink with friends, new shoes, hitting the green signal at silk board, sharan calling me ‘thithi’, appa calling to tell me that he misses me, Pay day, the guy at the Priya bakery junction who blesses me every time I give him a coin, Friday evenings when I’m boarding Chennai mail , washing my car .......

Ignorance in bliss, greed by the ass,
Still hell blown in a cup of Hennessey,
And call the bloom off the flowers!
Magic wands strewn all over the palace,
A place for queen bee the grand daughter,
But still the legal game calls Illuminati,
And then a shot in a dark alley graved,
Ah! sigh the good life.

2011-01-21T13:39:00.000+05:30

When Wipro posts its quarter results of 20% growth yoy and 7 % QoQ, how significant are these numbers to us?
We live in a world of comparison. What I really want to know is how Wipro has scored against the likes of TCS Infosys, Accenture, IBM. Who has won what business over the last quarter that has spiked their revenues? Are the margins up due to a proportional increase in the revenues or are they up because of a cost cutting strategy. No one really knows. The significance behind a percentage growth is relevant if it is not compared. Sure – It is politically correct only to say that you quantify growth and compare yourself with one’s own past. But it is a dog eat dog world after all. What good are you if you grew in comparison and failed relative to the rest of the world.

Social disaster

2010-12-15T11:08:00.000+05:30

Its funny how life is centered around the ports of communication today. I chat, i email, i telephone, I skype, I facebook . Yesterday I pinged my sister from my room to hers. I cannot resolve to remove any of these from my life cos that would mean cutting off all human interaction possible. I hate that.
Social life on the internet is more about comparison than what one is really about. Oh look she's put up pics - They've been to the bahamas and deep dived into the atlantic ocean- we should do that too. She's bought this really pretty dress at this place - looks good on her- I should try it too.
Isn't it a bit ridiculous to assume what I put up or dont put up on facebook is even indicative of who i am ? Assuming we know what the person is all about by their profile, logging in every hour to see if anyone has posted a status or pic that you can comment/like is indicative of how much the social network owns you.

Status on Facebook/orkut/twitter - its killing the concept of blogging- it did for me. Everything that I ever want to tell the world about is always one status message- one line. An opinion is stated on some else's status as a comment- another line. The truth is that I haven't bothered to take the effort to pen down my anger and opinions onto my blog. Blogs have become a channel of advertising the self. Period. Maybe its evolution and maybe that isnt such a bad thing.

This isnt really how i started off - Frustration dramatized but iced down now. Blogging tends to do that.

Of temperatures and sores..

2010-05-25T19:59:00.000+05:30

Sickness has an uncanny way of reminding you of the people you cannot be with, of things you cant have, of care and love that you will never get- a grown up that I am now . Its time to give and never to get, I understand.

A run Cross country

2010-04-03T21:06:00.001+05:30

When your head is clouded with thoughts, would you take it head on and sort it
out or sit on it till the dust settles ? Would you rather go backpacking and trek
the Himalayas or would you want to to sit at home/go for a movie with your
friends like everyother weekend ?
What would you do if you were happy and comfortable in your ways, would
you move and take up something new that gets you cracking or settle and be
tuned to the everyday routine ?
Would you rather be yourself or try and prove what you are everyday to
everyone around you ?

I want to go cross country leaving life behind me
to run away from it all while the night is still young,
do i know if the grass is going to be greener
do i know if the burden is going to be leaner
to hold my faith in one hand and love on the other
all i want is to run
to be everything and everyone to just one

A lil bit of this that and a grin

2010-03-27T22:05:00.000+05:30

A kutti kid pushing her even more kutti brother on her elder brother's cycle, 2 squirrels fighting over i'm not sure what, tap dancing and doing a twirl with my high heels to a song that i really like, seeing the look on that maami's eyes who thinks i'm crazy to do a lil hop on the road when i'm actually dancing inside my head, reminiscing over your old photos along with dad and cousins while arguing on who someone really looked/look like, reading old messages, waiting for what seems like forever for that familiar regular phone call
Those small things in life that always, no matter how old they become, bring a cracked smile to the face.

Eons later..

2010-02-13T20:23:00.000+05:30

At work I was just searching/googling/binging for SAP related articles to upgrade my functional knowledge (who am i kidding!) when I came across this link!

Here is a point 11 mister
11. Read 10-cool-things-to-do-while-you-wait-for-sapup-to-finish and try to add a point 11 to it :)

There ! Is it really fair to have writer fears when you have nothing substantial to write about ? or is it only then that you have the fear ??

Why? you ask...

2009-09-10T21:27:00.000+05:30

" Tata docomo - do the new - from now on the second is the minute"

1. why do they want to sound like mountain dew - do the dew ? ( I started off pretty well, with the trained marketing mind and all that jazz... However ....??!!!)
2. and hey why is the second called a second ? cos it came after the minute ? If that is the case, and if the second now becomes the minute per tata docomo, then the second becomes the first ..isn't it ?

if it isnt clear enough already-
1st came the minute
2nd came the second (per assumption)
now second=minute
therefore , second is 1st .... right ???

My train of mindless thoughts on the bus back - spiralling into nothingness!

PS : have you seen this Super bowl mountain dew ad ?? If you've listened to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody you'll know this ad is a winner!

A step into the next life

2009-08-31T00:14:00.000+05:30

As we grow older, all that we seem to see in life are responsibilities and all that I see is a whole new way to run away from it all.

I dont wanna be a year older - no . I dont wanna wonder what life 2 years from now would look like cos i barely understand what I am today. I dont want relatives talking to me about a prospective groom.I dont wanna be running a household and i definitely dont wanna be spending weekends at home. I dont want to be conscious of my job, about how far or close I am to what i really want to be, I dont want to lose touch with friends who really matter. I dont want to judge myself and i really dont want anyone doing that for me. I am freaked.
I dont want to have any boundaries. All i really want is to be free.

This, I fear, is what we call the quarter/a lil past quarter/whatever life crisis...

Actual vs Expected

2009-07-06T23:34:00.000+05:30

The Best :
* Income tax exemption limit increased by Rs10,000 for general taxpayers, and by 15,000 for senior citizens.
* Removal of surcharge on income above Rs10 lakh for personal income tax payers
* Reintroduction of Saral (-II) to ease out the filing process
* Removal of Fringe benefit tax
* Introduction of goods and service tax

The Good :
* Soon to introduce a Bill to enact a food security law that will provide 25 kg of rice and/or wheat at Rs3 to each family below the poverty line
* Cheaper Big Cars - Additional excise duty which was introduced in the 2008 budget on Big cars has been cut – making them cheaper
* Cheaper Flat Screen TVs – Lower Basic customs duty on LCD panels

Banks:
* Commercial banks to issue zero-coupon bonds to raise long term debt

Defense:
* Spending increased by 25% - Border management activities +modernizing the police force
* $10 billion purchase of 126 fighter jets
* $100 million aid package for the rehabilitation of Tamil war displaced in Sri Lanka

Infra :
* Easier financing for infrastructure firms and allocated more funds to the country’s highways, urban and irrigation projects.

Print media :
* Extension of the stimulus package until december 2009 due to lower ad revenue

Revenue for Govt:
* $7.2 billion from the sale of 3G Radio spectrum

The Sad:
* Retail -The sector was completely left out of the Budget
* Textile – Govt extended current priveleges without meeting any new demands

SENSEX dropped 870 pts .

Growth or fiscal deficit ?

2009-07-05T23:04:00.000+05:30

What does the common man want ? simplified tax laws , a rationalized tax system - additional income tax exemption benefits, lower short term capital gains tax, withdrawal of some import duty exemptions, stress on alternative sources of energy, more jobs, lower fuel prices, lower rates on education loans (yeah that one was mine totally!)
The realtors want - the govt to provide more incentives for affordable housing and increase exemption limit on interest paid on home loans
The banks want - the govt to support an improvement in infrastructure spending
The business man wants - a revised value added tax - hence increase demand, sales figures and improve production numbers.
The economists say - lower fiscal deficit which is now at 13% , lower current unemployment rates , increase investment

Is the budget going to take the inclusive growth route ? try to be all things to all people ? Is there any statistically significant relationship between the fiscal deficit and inflation ? Does it even matter ? Where do we want the Sensex to land ?

Shored.

2009-06-09T19:57:00.000+05:30

People soon get tired of things that arent boring but not of what is boring. Whats that all about ? For me, I might have the leisure to be bored but not to grow tired of something. Most people cant distinguish between the two.

Alright alright - i dint write that, Haruki Murakami did. I found the statement as intriguing as the book itself .

Breed boredom

2009-06-05T13:43:00.000+05:30

Things you can do when you are painfully waiting to join work/school/whatever else

1.Login to Facebook and post on everyone you know's wall - you are all over everyone's front page and if they are not irritated they would give you a call and you could hang out with them

2. Visit your second cousin's third Aunt's daughter's/Son's wedding in that town so far away from home that you would have to spend atleast 2 days in the train

3. While on the train make sure u meet a few ppl - a few coupes, a few bogies - stretch as far as ur wings spread (wow!) and make some new friends. So when u get back u can call them and ask them about the trip

4. Go get a ridiculously short haricut in which you cant be recognized when you are being desperate.

5. Talk to your brother who just finished his 12th std and force him to apply to all possible colleges that you can think of and make sure you take him to enjoy the beauty of every campus.

6. Watch episodes of friends/ how i met your mother /grey's anatomy/family guy etc again and again till you can do the dialogues backwards.

7. Buy cake mix add some extra ingredients to it - and bake the cake - though it turns out to be a lot like souffle claim to the family that it indeed is cake.

8 . Make a nicelist like this one and put it up on your blog

As consumers you need to behave...

2008-12-13T01:35:00.000+05:30

By far my most interesting subject--- consumer behaviour - why u ask ?

My first assignment :
Interview anybody who drinks beer and find out blah blah blah about them - Feel free to drink with them!

My last assignment :
On the Star World television channel, please watch the programming content at any one of the following one-hour time-slots tomorrow :
1) 11 a.m. to noon (Seinfeld)
2) 2:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. (Friends)
3) 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. (Brothers & Sisters)

My mid term exam had the following answers - Sprite - 'Bhujaye only pyaas, baaki all bakwaas' (satisfies only thirst, everything else is bull) - Yes i did write the translation too !

My COBE textbook is full of amazing and brilliant print ads like these below which i'd never have come across but for this book

Source : http://www.furisdead.com/page/rodmanthink-72.gif

PS : No its not about Dennis Rodman(at least not just ) - its the ad - the message - the symbolism

Now do u see why ?

numb

2008-11-29T01:52:00.000+05:30

i entered my room - checked the bathroom - checked under my bed - i dont even understand why i did that - i dont normally do that - sitting in front of the TV - the news has numbed me - grappling with fear - helpless- nothing helpful to do - i can only rant and ramble and blame. i can only remember the face of that 2 year old who lost his parents on his birthday .

and Ive seen it all ...

2008-10-09T22:43:00.000+05:30

Over 12 hours of sleep , b- school challenges , Missing classes , rock bottom scores , high flying grades , the isb lake , a cobra , resume -stress , 1/2 MBA ...

Then i read this

Is life worth only the wall street numbers ?

Ive seen nothing .

And I left my mark.....

2008-09-01T19:50:00.001+05:30

...but, the waves washed it out!!

The last day of the term, the last few minutes of the exam - a flutter - wanting to break free, let loose ... The things to take, things to buy and things to do lists , printing tickets ,not so much the packing... feels like forever . The trip back home -heavenly - Murugan idli shop, driving my car, tamil wedding food , the Beach and wet feet-ah! Bliss lasts for very very little a time . Unfairness.

Bound by 'Bandhan'

2008-08-17T18:02:00.000+05:30

There is something about the national anthem, something about the national song that leaves me filled with patriotism from deep inside and goosebumps outside.
It was absolutely worth getting up and running to the campus reception after having abt 3 hrs of sleep to see the flag being hoisted, to listen to the anthem.

But that was not all that made my day . Bandhan , an initiative by ISB , helps a few NGOs to bring in kids, challenged by poverty or by sight from various schools , here to ISB , to spend a day . Games and food and tom and jerry - the lawns the smiles, the tears, holding hands... I'd relive this day many times over if i could - i hope they felt the same.

A roller coaster ride

2008-07-27T13:23:00.000+05:30

In an attempt to learn – from an average of 440*5 yrs of experience , ive been missing out on mygrades – are they quintessential ? Alums, profs, learned men n women –they all tell me that they are important but not at the cost of anything else that you can do here in a B-school . I tried to hold that against my grades and somehow it doesn’t seem to work – Average is not fine with me – Feels like in some remote way , my efforts aren’t right and that’s all is left .
Trying Harder this term to cope up – everyone here seems to have an edge in one subject or the other – Accounts, Financial blah is a breeze for the CAs, CFAs – the Economists ace well – Economics – and then there are just someothers who are good at everything! But so far , as an engineer and just that I havent had it easy – and that drives my 4 yrs of education to a pot of frustration. My best learning so far is on how much I could do in a day – from washing clothes – to going for a run – interviewing an RJ – volunteering to conduct a few on campus events - going to a musical concert – then hitting ur assignments (hmmm--no wonder my grades are dipping!!) A tiring hectic day sometimes does feel good.

While i was sleeping ....

2008-06-16T20:45:00.000+05:30

Tue eve - Assignment late into the night - finished at KG's house - came back to my room , Spoke to dad, mumbling and rambling about my terrible term marks. Dad consoles.Read (or pretend to ) for the next day's class....

Wed 7 AM - Dad calls on my phone - 3 times - no Reply - calls on the landline - no reply - Friend calls on my phone - 8 times - no reply - friend calls study group mate - study group mate calls another study group mate who calls my close friend - close friend calls me -no reply - worries - plans to call the security to walk into my room - gets ready for the worst
1030 - rrrrrrrring - Archana wakes up to the ringing in her head - sees umpteen missed calls - damn..class at 1115 - Rushes
1045 - calls dad - gets abused
1110 -Reaches class- gets abused by friends / group mates ..everyone pitches in cos they get their first chance

I knew it was tough to sleep more than 5 hours at the ISB- I dint know it was a punishable offense!!

Are u 'kid'ding me ????

2008-03-08T22:40:00.000+05:30

A dream ? Life ? what the hell is all this???
So i was reading my nephew a story...and there were so many questions which left me pretty dazed .. where are the words which will make a 4 year old understand what a dream is ??? How did i learn what it is? ...are the answers in the aunthood book which i never got a copy of ?? Are these in the list of things that are just felt and never taught or am i just losing to a kid???
Does Calvin's dad take classes???

Driving past the beats

2007-12-13T22:55:00.000+05:30

Don't mix your personal and professional lives- Its one of the most cliche'd lines that you'll most definitely get both at work and at home - But why on earth would anybody say that??? I cannot but do that- Hell, if my mind is all mixed up with the anxiety of some news from home or clogged up with some yesteryear fight then i just cannot seem to concentrate on work. I barely get anything done and fret about it much (well much much )later. Likewise if i have some work left unfinished, I think about it even while i drive/ride... at times i drive home almost about 7 kms without even realising that I was driving!! so watchout for arch on busy days B'lore roadies ;)
PS: Ive also learnt the art of rash driving at Blore. learn it unless u really want to start right after an early breakfast and get to work just in time for lunch!

PSS : On a completely different note, to people new to Bangalore/Hyderabad/Chennai i found >This site rather useful..

The other end of the trip - B'lore beats

2007-09-25T14:42:00.000+05:30

Bangalore, late mornings, early swim, traffic + dust storms, the santro , helmet, no cooking, my darling nephew , new friends(not to forget friends made whilst stuck in traffic), Skittles, slashing rains, 730, essays, WWE, Coffee with Karan, standing on the seat and blowing the candles to my birthday cake with the hosts dancing around the table, sans phone, the Railway station, a lost jacket, a series of great cricket matches... Shantaram...Inspired !!

Despite the changed realities, i yearn to be back at chennai, to sleep in my room, to be able to be with my gparents who always greet me and treat me like I just got back from the USA, to be able to meet people whom I've known for something of a lifetime...

The corniest of things to say .. home sweet home ...Nothing beats being there.

Power Packing!!

2007-06-26T11:12:00.000+05:30

Dinner at cascade, lunch at beverly, getting caught by the cops -the citi centre, 'life in a metro' ,'achu enda amma', mayajaal, metro shoes, kanchipuram, my kitchen, dosa at woodlands drive in, Arun ice cream, coffee day, Ocean's Thirteen, Evam's python hyssteria, Driving to work, the beach, Oracle corp, pizza hut, Citibank on the roof, mehendi party, but...... to top it all....

SHIVAJIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!

enna...summa adhiridu la ???!!!!!

My shadows ..

2007-05-10T17:57:00.000+05:30

I keep coming across days when i regret so much about the past. I shouldn't but i wish i had that one month , that one day to change some decision, to have had a conversation, to have spent more time .. i keep collecting days and none seem to outweigh the days i wish i had back.

Visual whoaaaa!!

2007-04-06T10:27:00.000+05:30

I bumped into this when i was surfing yesterday.. strange that it did describe me pretty well...try it out!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

arch who?

2007-03-18T22:47:00.000+05:30

my hand trembles when i hold the pen . ive forgotten to write . i stay longer hours at work - forgotten my social life . i barely listen to my music - ive almost given up reading- i dont do the crossies on the bus ride- i get so tired by the night that i dont dream anymore- ive lost touch with my soul - i just dont think i am arch anymore.

and sometimes its not such a bad thing....

my comfort zone

2007-01-19T17:55:00.000+05:30

Its a chill friday- Not really an eventful day- nothing much to do at work either,(well its the friday evening indolence, but u dont have to know that!! )I sat back with a cup of tea in hand thinking of the last month- Meeting up with my best friends who'd come down for their 'holiday in india'- happiness, a tinge of excitement, a dash of lost memories, most of all, cartloads of fear - worrying if i'd ever think the way they did anymore, worrying if i'd gel into their new found American life- were we really just a table apart? New friends, relationships, jobs, lifestyle-growing up in general -I had my fears- but then again moving ahead of squabbles, people and attitudes - despite years of separation and disconnect- i realised that somethings never change. Walked back in , tea still in hand, a silly grin accompanied.

i'm leaving on a jet plane... dont know when i'll be there to get back again

2006-11-24T23:08:00.000+05:30

I had to rush a trip to mumbai- an emergency. On my way back, i get tkts for a 9 pm flight and get bak in chennai at 6 in the morning- ask me why- they cancelled my flight- ask them why- technical snag. easy isnt that? there is absolutely no way that you can question that now can you? Smart really good looking chaps and young women running around in chic clothes trying to convince you that you will be accomodated on some flight as soon as possible- they talk so easily. I was impressed by their attempt to convince people- making ppl believe that they would do anything for their customers- they literally talk their way out.Absolute lack of value for time- thats what it was.
I pay so much to sit 8 darn hours in the airport and reach home at some godforsaken hour in the morning- frustration, lots of lost sleep and black circles was what i end up with.
What if this was a flight i was taking to make it to an interview, what if this was the flight a doc was taking to perform a crucial operation, what if this was the flight i was taking to see the last of someone.

ack! thats her bedroom!

2006-09-14T21:20:00.000+05:30

The Mumbai blasts were probably not covered as much, neither were the Memon's 1993 Mumbai blast case.India brazil's strategic partnership doesn't seem so important. Steve erwin's death, just another day. But Surya and jyothika's engagement, marriage (and probably the honeymoon too very soon!!!) were events which were given multi-angular media coverage! heck! I dint even know that so many angles existed! We live in a strange world!

Yet another story of vendetta. -Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu

2006-08-27T18:17:00.001+05:30

Lately all the movies that i have been watching give me this sense of dejavu.. no no- not memories of having been to sathyam before, with the same gang, but of having seen a similar movie before. There it was don avenging his brother's death, here its a serial passionate, disturbed, psychotic and totally dangerous med student killer with a seemingly gay boyfriend with revenge in his blood. That was fully in chennai, this is in new york, and chennai in parts. there it was surya here it was kamal. There surya loses his wife jo, here ...
The movie had some initial hiccups on the production side, when the original producer Kaja Mohiddeen attempted suicide when he went bankrupt but its a smooth sail now.
Kamal is amazing for his age and at the least doesn’t pretend to be 20-something.. Jo, PrakashRaj(amazing tho), misc barely have a part. Cinematography was amazing and the music real good.
BUT the movie is gory, bloody, disgusting at points. Not to forget the abusive language used in every other sentence. Between you and me, we know we do understand the foul language used, that kids way way younger probably understand it all too. That is no reason why it should be rated u/a. Has the country westernised so much as yet? If it really has, i think i'm just a bit too slow for it.

Ps: whats with director Gautam's love for the name Ilamaran????

The "big stars" shining their riches- KANK, an opinion

2006-08-14T16:04:00.000+05:30

Ton loads of love, passion and cartloads of tears was what KANK was all about- typically Karan Johar. . One song at the disc, one with the family, rockin n rollin, one with Shahrukh running across a bridge- Rings a bell doesn't it? From the stills the ads n the music, we might get the feeling that we've seen it all previously.
A smitten Abhishek has done a great job .His acting tho good as always, SRK's caricatured expressions n over the top emotions were a little tough to handle. Preity did whatever little her role demanded and Rani, stunningly beautiful has done justice to her part.
Nevertheless ,the movie being different n bold, (i'm not sure if i can call that a hype), the humour sane, the actors classy, the music catchy, its definitely worth a watch.

So..

2006-08-08T14:08:00.000+05:30

so whats up. how's it going. tell me. nothing much. you tell me. so what else is up (notice the 'else'). The most probable reply being 'the fan, the ceiling, the sky..duh!!)
If you happen to be a tamilian, add on apram, vera enna, sollu. These happen to be the most common phrases/words in our conversations these days. At the end of the conversation,(which probably is an hour or half of nothingness) you think you know more about the person. You really don't. Makes me think if there really isn't much to talk about or have i just become plain boring??? What i need is a class on 'how to keep your conversations interactive' or something like 'a 1000 ways to make your conversations more creative and useful!'
I love keeping in touch. i love calling up friends and blahing. But what happens if you turn into this old/boring person that you never imagined you'd ever be.

My attempt to keep this blog on par with my life...

2006-07-30T21:39:00.000+05:30

This time i really got abused for my lack of verbal enthusiasm, for letting my blog die. Apparently many ppl judge my 'mood for the month' from what i have to say in the blog.. I din't know that and I still fail to understand how!
These last few months have taken its toll on me ( no i haven't become thinner..) . Besides getting to work and shopping for the house, i havent done anything productive. What really bothered me was the monotonous life, a lack of passion for it. I felt 'comfortably numb'. Being unperturbed, somehow led ppl arnd me to believe that i had become so much more mature- a facade. i needed to break free.
Sitting on the sands of bessi, watching kids/couples play in the water, thinking about life, missing my mom, missing her love, missing my friends, feeling older than i should, worrying about the future-Ive had enough.
I looked again. I saw the sun taking its dip. Its hues never fail to excite me. i ran across the sand to join the gang, to make my clothes dirty, to not care, to just have fun. I decided to let me be.

This is really not how i started off with the post- this isnt how i intended to end it either.
Damn my incapability of stringing thoughts together which probably explains the hiatus??

Coffee with ....

2006-05-05T23:19:00.000+05:30

and so i met them- at a place not quite right- well it probably would have been right a year back or even 8 months back. - maybe. it isnt now. . i felt 50 here..tho' dressed in my usuals, jeans n a semi-formal shirt, tho' these were friends ive been wanting to talk to for so long a time, all i could concentrate on was if i was dressed inappropriate, if i had grown out of my group, if i had grown out of my age, if i HAD really become old....
last week i met up with some of my college friends-the gang. the guys decided to go to mocha, so yea it was a plan. its one of those places where you'd probably be looked down upon if you decide to go on a scooter or bike rather than a flashy car..(of course guys flaunting girlfriends(and most of their backs!!) are allowed to bring a bike, a popular one with alloy wheels only!) . The place would make u feel either terribly overclothed , extremely poor, or jus plain silly/awkward.
Was talking a whole lot about culture n clothing wasnt i? I jus wanna sink a surface below!!! Maybe there are a bunch trying to imitate. Maybe the kids in the city are jus getting adjusted to the darn heat. Maybe i'm jus growing old. Whatever it maybe this was no definition of fun for me anymore. i'd rather have the environment silent n well, more covered.

Beyond boundaries...

2006-04-26T17:20:00.000+05:30

Last Friday i got nominated for a training due the following Tuesday .. i got a mailer with the details. Being the lazy thing that i am, i deleted it presuming that my friends who too got nominated would lead me(from darkness to light???((psstt..onlyy a DAV'ian would understand that)). Anyways come tuesday morning , the minute the trainer started talking, i knew i cudn't sit thru the whole darn thing.. her hello said it all. All i could think of is this- here's another one of those trainers with an affected accent, trying to convince us that the US of A is one of the best countries in the world!! i needed to run away!.
well, having no other choice i sat through the class presuming that id be listening to what the US people are all about - their hierarchy, their culture,values... and how we in India are not all of that.
Through the course of the day, as i grew to know her better, she seemed really nice, educated in very many cultures-really a third culture kid! i hit myself hard for having convinced myself that her accent was fake. i also did get to listen to all of the USA values thingy, but what surprised me was the way she made us realise how much our culture affected our thoughts and ideas and ...well jus everything !! -made me realise that we were really the most versatile country, adapting (and thats not imitating) so as to be a part of the global village- made me realise how different we really are, in a way that made me so proud...that was one day spent usefully. thanks sushma.

To unlearn is to learn

the elections and its madness!

2006-04-09T09:11:00.000+05:30

the iims are dream - ive either gotta study, grow smarter and crack the cat or ive gotta change my caste???!!!

don't walk under that ladder!!

2006-03-19T19:15:00.000+05:30

Itchy ear, someone's talking about you; itchy right palm, you'll meet someone new;itchy left palm, money's coming ur way..It's bad luck to have a black cat cross your path...
superstition n me? nah ..modern thoughts, broader sense of thinking, wider perspectives. I have no place in my head for superstition- Those who choose to believe, find their world delivering what they expect.... and those who don't, (like me!!)are not affected... that was in reply to one of my friends asking me if i believed in "superstition"..It hardly affects the tangibles i need!!....those in the know would know and would have most definitely explained to this person that I always use the pen that my dad bought me when i was in class 5 and i'll cry if i ever lose it.. i always wear my blue kurta on the days i have a presentation to make and of late i've been terming the days that i don't wear my favourite ring as a 'bad day' - ask me. i'll still say -superstition?... nah, that's jus me categorizing things as lucky n not-so-lucky!:D

relativity and pressure

2006-03-13T00:15:00.000+05:30

It was the first ever saturday in the 6 months of my so-called 'working' life that i decided to actually get to work- nope this sudden urge to work on a weekend was no by-product of peer pressure, merely that of friday evening's laziness..my work's always been timed comfortably, flexibly too. never had rush hours. i have an awesome gang there and not to forget really awesome senior collegues .but this was my 'everyday' and my everyday,was not something i ever contemplated about anyday until yesterday.. until yesterday when i met someone who seemed a wee bit more than jus tortured, who actually worked on a saturday cos he had deadlines to meet. for one, i felt amazingly useless!! I realised my happiness was challenged on such relative terms. relativity, damn you! ... maybe i really need to think of what i have actually achieved being where i am now- but then again, if i rationalise on the happenings of the past, how am i gonna end up? happy ?depressed ?philosophical?--am i happy having this easy life or am i frustrated abt it?? confused..

To see the world in a grain of sand, and to see heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour. -Blake

the olfactory and my music..

2006-02-19T12:34:00.000+05:30

so many things happening. so fast. i cant comprehend. i miss out . i miss them. friends. college. my sister. an easy life.me..silly things remind me of how life cudve been. places where ive once been. our senses are strong. memories kill. i listen to that one song, that familiar aroma, i get transported. feels heavy. i feel butterflies.life's a monotony. i can sense this deja vu. everything comes back to me. i regret, i learn. is it good ? not? im not really sure. good things fade faster? funny. it doesnt depress me. im tuned. new doors opening, but somethings dont change. ..listening to that one song makes my heart race. walking by the beach will always ease things out.sleeping in my mum's lap will always make me happy. somethings are just meant to be.
too many books on philosophy . thats what it is.

2006-02-01T22:51:00.000+05:30

OMG - the www rocks.. wikipedia rules.. check this out!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madras_bashai

2006-01-31T22:05:00.000+05:30

i walked into the room with a jaunty swagger that would probably have done credit to a General. - the pride of being an engineer(forgetting the fact that millions , inc everyone else in the room were too ), the pride of " ha! what could a communication, softskills training instill anything new in me" .. but at the end of the day i realised how little i knew. , i realised i dint know what my company revenues are like, who my client really is, what my client actually pays for me as an employee.i realised my goals werent streamlined enough, i dont have a time chart, accounts for my expenditure... i am not even inspired to achieve what i dream - sheltered in ambiguity, i walked out of the room tired, beat - apalled.

2006-01-26T20:24:00.000+05:30

January 26,1950 was chosen as the day when India would finally arrive as a nation, complete with the lengthiest and the most detailed constitution in the world......yea so it was the indian republic day... to millions, a holiday, a break from that stressful day at work- and for many a chance to watch TV all day long cos there are'republic day special' programmes . i'd say c'mon.. we all prob know what asin and Surya n jo aspire to be and dream about better than our own dream. its really sad . sometimes i think about it, but writing this blog makes me no different...

we know, we know,we know ---what do we do with what we know? we only draw a shade between us and our knowledge..

sad dont u say?

2006-01-21T16:46:00.000+05:30

i was so tired beat and exhausted last eve and if ive failed to mention it earlier, i get so bored once too often. i stepped outta the house to get some fresh air, to bring up the spirits of my vitiated soul(ha!). anyways, basically i love walking . i can walk miles on end with or without company, jus enjoying it all..the boat club road or the road alongside the theosophical society, or on the sands of our elliots beach - wherever it mite be. the calm exhilaration of the evening gives me an unaccustomed peace of mind, a contentment with the things, they way they are.- the bottomline- i feel happy, i feel sane in this mad world.

2006-01-15T20:19:00.000+05:30

Makar sankranthi wishes to all n pongal wishes to my fellow tamilians. Capricorn transition is what makar sankranthi literally means by the way. Ask me what i did the entire weekend..Nothing nothing at all.. sat on my dad's easy chair and watched every darn movie on TV. . ive shamelessly watched many many if not all of rajini's movies 'n' times and watched arunachalam for the, i dono how many'th time today. Besides being filled with masala, his movies have something that never fail to amuse me, amaze me. Sitting around, never getting my hands dirty doing real work, i somehow bestow upon myself the privlege to comment on these actors whenever i watch a movie and make it sound o-so-polish by calling it a review. (chk out my prev blog on kandanaal mudhal) .. that reminds me, i still dint get my hands on that ticket to watch evam's new play :(

2006-01-09T09:26:00.000+05:30

life has its own bizarre ways of letting u realise who you are. so many things happening - a mile a minute seems too fast for me to comprehend. when i dont do stuff presuming things will sort themselves out, they bcome messier, when i do something, i mess things up for me. do u see a deadlock here?
im jus gonna call that funny. but hey im not gonna let u get away.. im gonna make sure things work out the way i want them too, the way it should, even if it means WAR.
sat eve i was up watching gone with the wind.. reinstated my belief that beautiful books dont have to necessarily make awhsum movies..
jus re-read my last coupla posts, have been on a philosophical roll havent i?

2006-01-07T22:05:00.000+05:30

'sorry your name does not appear in the list of short listed candidates....' seein that 6 times each year has become something of a routine. for those of u who cant seem to relate to these 'golden' words, i pressume ur amongst the lot who're not acquainted to the 'CAT' or are ppl(well i dont consider them normal ppl..yet!) who aced the the same...Ive been so caught up with my life n work n certifications that i barely gave the CAT more than a moment's thought this year.. and when i was done with i had absolutely no expectations. yet when the results force themselves upon you, when u see the darn page, there is this pang of dissapointment... makes me feel so darn dumb.. do html tags or jsp's have that capability???(yes!!!! i,m a software techie!!!)

2006-01-04T21:21:00.000+05:30

when you face life as it comes, when u move on, you never realise it.. its at those times that i always think'man.. people change so much'..they prob do too.. ppl fall out of love , you lose lustre, the stone they sculpted you out of is not the same..
being this sentimental fool, i break down whenever i have to face changes.. tears are something i never run short of. . this is who i am ..that annoys me..it runs thru like a movie in my head.. all the time....
well the point of this conversation being, i want to grow up.. to learn to be more versatile than arch,the not-so-living..learn from other people's life and mistakes- thats my new years resolution.

2005-12-21T20:25:00.000+05:30

i'm stumped by the power of the iim's!!! check this out... http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris/irising/klueLESS/

went by that road this morn... and have jus gotten to stage 12!!!

2005-12-20T22:03:00.000+05:30

n hey i got new shoes finally .. gift from dad ... pink ones at that!!!! yes i think the look too girly even for a girl( as sidey as that stmt sounds) ..im his lil (little??? are we sure???) gal alrite but pink?????!!! but i dont realy care..they from dad!!.. at 22 these small gifts still make me happy.. those little kicks in life... u know wha i mean???

2005-12-12T23:04:00.000+05:30

after months of preparation the day was here.. ..the day of my SCJP test.. was a bit freaked, stomach in knots i went in to take this 2 hour test, ended up sittin in there for a grand total of 25 mins:). so yea well i passed..
i was actually more enthusiastic abt the movie we'd booked tickets for- this movie called 'kanda naal mudal'... the reviews were really inviting so i gave in..the cast i must mention is stunning- no big time stars- laila prasanna( from azhagiya theeye) and evam ka karthik-- smart chic ppl- ppl who are more down to earth than stars up there. the movie is an amazing blend of all that need be in a movie- really funny for one thing n brought me to tears the next moment... the transition was so smooth. prasanna is stunnig--its a simple love story ... not again ud prob say . but id def recommend the movie- an entertainer and for ppl in love- watch it with him\her.
beautiful is all i have to say...

2005-11-14T20:39:00.000+05:30

what am i doing writing this while my friend as old as me 's making as much as i do in a yr, in a month???so... is it the money?..nah it cannot be that...cos as far as i knowme ive never ever regretted for not having enough, never complained about not havingan ipod , well u know wha i mean..frankly i dont even think its sane, commiting urself to a bare minimum of 15 hours a day ormuch much more, losing count of the sun n the stars, forgetting who ur friends are, ...is it worth all those sleepless nites?... really?
yes it is. cos its a dream, a moment of being really wanted by all those foreign investment bankers,a lifetime of being branded, calling urself an IIM graduate, making those u love proud....thats what it is, thats when it all really pays off.
I dont really hate what i am doing, im getting close to loving my job, but its not what i want. this is what i learned to want... which makes me jus about normal. Thats the catch. i dont want to be normal. No i dont.she's living everything ive ever dreamed of. whether or whether not im capable of living that, is a whole new concept.she's one of my best buds, so jealousy...nah ... its more of a yearning. yea thats it..

2005-09-18T19:39:00.000+05:30

last evening with hopes of having a fun eve with a couple of my friendswho'd come down , i went for the play billoxi blues.it started off pretty ok i thot, with 6 frsh army candidateson a train, with jimmy my abs fav as our narrator.....as time went by...rather crawled by so miserably slowly, i wondered if it was me or was it the play??...it had absolute raw humour, too much sex talk...in my (some ppl cal it wierd and often tooooo pragmatic) opinion, there it was, a wholeact of M*A*S*H with absolutely no point, letting us probe our thots.....is this not a degradable approach to depict what really was the world war2??
.then i see a couple of mothers cursing themselves for have brought their kids along to a play which jus rated itself PG-15...???!!!.this is India !! Kids are still kids , atleast so we presume...!!
...or maybe im jus growing old!!!more parent type.....aaaaaaaarrgh!!!!!

2005-09-16T23:07:00.000+05:30

ever thought abou the days when we plan an outing after a day's work, and jus somehow it doesnt turn out rite?...ive always never accepted criticism on the boss...but when he decides to call a 10 minutes meeting 5 minutes before ur scheduled bus..mmm i have nothin much to say...
it was all perfect, a plan to meet my best bud and go shopping....but then again, it jus 'was'.
i learned another valuable lesson today..never try situps in ur shower
or maybe never try sit ups..period... muscular pull against gravity kills!!!

2005-09-15T21:53:00.000+05:30

yesterday always seems an easier day, this's been my philosophy for quite a while ..
pessimism u'd say...reality i'd argue.when i begin to be at conflict with my thots, i begin toblog..so this is how i kicked off!
this is jus a beginning but somehow doesnt seem all that easy...penning what i feel. even tho ive always found it easier to resolve wars with pals thru mail rather than the conventional telephony!!well, i'll learn.eventually!!..
and again yesterday will seem easier..